carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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