Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
