You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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