so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
