At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
