you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
