It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
