Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
