One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
