Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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