I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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