You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
