just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize