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okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
