god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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