she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
