She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
They left me at home... I'm a liability
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize