ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My bed smells like the plague
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
