mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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