just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize