you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
