i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
