That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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