So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
