I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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