So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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