i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
