Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
