the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
