My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
