he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
