Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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