JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize