Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
