i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
