seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
