Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
