Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
