i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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