Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
