He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
