Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
