well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
