i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
