weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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