So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
