After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
