Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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