Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
