The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
