eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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