One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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