I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This is the high leading the old right now
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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