I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just made my gag reflex go away.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
