And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize