So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize