she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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