Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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