Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
ttyl tear gas
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
