I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
