We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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