??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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