she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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