Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
