I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
