Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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