i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
