Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
