how can u be prego again
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
